Quotes

Here appeareth a complete record of all the quotes that have been used in the subhead of this and earlier iterations of this blog.

Dolly Parton, Endless Stream of Tears
“A broken heart won’t kill you, you just want to die, but you have to go on living anyway.”
Roger Bolton, Radio 4
“Nothing like calling a spade a digging implement.”
Denis Thatcher (from traditional saying)
“Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all possible doubt.”
Anthony Hancock Esq (catchphrase)
“Stone me, what a life.”
John Virgo, commentator, World Snooker Championship
“You can’t do anything while you’re sat in your chair.”
Albert Einstein (apocryphal)
“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.”
An observation of His Grace, His Excellency Sir Samuel Vimes, The Duke of Ankh and Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch
“A Duke couldn’t have the arse hanging out of his trousers when meeting foreign diplomats.”
Terry Pratchett, Night Watch
“If someone ever reported that there was an orang-utan in the Library, the wizards would probably go and ask the Librarian if he had seen it.”
“Vimes stared at what was probably the discarded fish-and-chip wrapper of Infinity.”
Morrissey, Come Back to Camden
“Drinking tea with the taste of the Thames, sullenly, on a chair on the pavement.”
Morrissey, I Have Forgiven Jesus
“I know it’s not mutual, but I have forgiven Jesus”
Morrissey, There Is A Light And It Never Goes Out
“Why pamper life’s complexities, when the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat?”

13. “There was no plan – except to have a good fucking time” – Rik Mayall

14. “Dorothea, alone in the well, laid a daring hand on the tiller. This indeed was life” – Arthur Ransome, Coot Club

15. “My heart is drenched in wine, but you’ll be on my mind, forever” – Norah Jones, Don’t Know Why

16. “It’s not the voting that’s democracy, it’s the counting” – Tom Stoppard

17. “With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts” – Eleanor Roosevelt

18. “There’s no education in the second kick of a mule” – Sam Rayburn, Democratic Speaker of the US House of Representatives

19. “If you want a friend, get a dog” – Gordon Gekko, Wall Street

20. “I believe in truth though I lie a lot, I feel the pain from the push and shove. No matter what you put me through, I’ll still believe in love” – The Human League, Love Action

21. “I never thought I’d have the nerve to break from the conventional. I never thought my path would curve and lead to sin intentional” – The Human League, Shameless

22. “At some point, everyone, no matter how fancy and highbrow, wants to just sit on their fanny and watch some television.” – Bears Will Attack blog

23. “People lose teeth, talking like that.” – Sam Spade, The Maltese Falcon

24. “You’re a good man, sister” – Sam Spade, The Maltese Falcon

25. “Loss of limb will not excuse you” – Professor Snape’s homework regime, film of Prisoner of Azkaban.

26. “Why worry? Each of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back…” Dr Peter Venkmann, founder, Ghostbusters Inc.

27. “Then they came for me and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me” – Rev Martin Niemoller, 1945

28. “How can anybody possibly think they know how I feel?” Morrissey

29. “I hear you, you redneck moron. You got a dress that goes with that hat?” – Cordelia Chase.

30. “Bachelor dandies, drinkers of brandies, what do I know of those?” Liesl von Trapp.
31.
32. “I campaigned hard to get rid of Thatcher and what did I get? Not Thatcher Lite but Thatcher Special Brew” – Disillusioned Labour activist, So Now Who Do We Vote For website.

33. “Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light” – Spike Milligan

34. “Looks good… hop on board, gorgeous” – eye-popping Wes/Angel moment, ‘First Impressions’

35. “I’ve tried living in the real world, instead of a sham, but I was bored before I even began…” Morrissey, Shoplifters of the World Unite.

36. “Ms Lane, are you trying to seduce me?” – Clark Kent

37. “The only reason I am ever going to use the Northern line again is that if I don’t I will be unemployed.” – Weary commuter on www.goingunderground.net

38. “We are all human. Men particularly” – Mma Precious Ramotswe, Proprietor, No 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency.

39. “Jesus made me, so he should save me from pity, sympathy and idiots discussing me” – Morrissey, November Spawned A Monster

40. “Is there a point to this, or are you just polishing my desk with your ass?” – Lilah Morgan.

41. “Shall I order pizza? Don’t teens in a snit like pizza?” – Xander Harris

42. “The jukebox is playing songs about you, songs with memories making me blue” – Ella Fitzgerald, I Gotta Have My Baby Back

43. “Losing composure is pointless.” – Michael Schumacher

44. “How to gain quicker curatives for the excessive tense, severe chronic pain, and high cholesterol? Have you thought about switching to the cyberspace for quicker mitigations?” – Anonymous spammer

45. “If men did not want us to guess that they were useless, they should have made themselves more useful. Now that they’ve been rumbled, all they can do is whinge” – Germaine Greer

46. “I feel used, and violated, and I need a lozenge” – A post-possession Andrew, Buffy

47. “You need kissing, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.” – Rhett Butler

48. “Everyone please observe, the fasten seat belt and no smoking signs have been turned on, sit back and enjoy the ride” – Tank, The Matrix

49. “There might be life in that lonesome ocean, but there certainly wouldn’t be football” – Bill Bryson

50. “I don’t give a piss about atonement or destiny.” – Spike

51. “I spent 100 years trying to come to terms with infinite remorse. You spent three weeks moaning in a basement then you were fine. What’s fair about that?” – Angel arguing with Spike

52. “A lot of people won’t get no supper tonight. A lot of people won’t get no justice tonight.” – The Clash, Armageddon Time

53. “London calling, yeah, I was there too, and you know what they said, well, some of it was true…” The Clash

54. “I’m a tit. A complete fucking illiterate tit who should never be let near a coding environment again…” Mr Random

55. “It is not the power of money that gives them their fighting spirit; it is the power of the people.” – Fernando Alonso on the Minardi F1 racing team.

56. “Is pathological idiot an actual condition?” – Angel on Spike, Damage, S5

57. “I’d tell me what a completely worthless cunt I am and then leave.” One of my NaNoWriMo characters at a low moment.

58. “Find out what an ‘Internet’ is” – a new year’s resolution of the angel Aziraphale

59. “The Internet, while sometimes used to disseminate actual fact, is also often used to spread utter nonsense” – Snopes.com

60. “The world is not against you. It’s indifferent.” – Vikram Seth on unpublished writers

61. “I don’t get paid overtime” – Amir Khan

62. “Stay well. I hear fruits and vegetables help” – Michael Moore

63. “A few thousand grasshoppers do not constitute a plague.” – Dana Scully

64. “Don’t pray in my school and I won’t think in your church” – US bumper sticker

65. “While Pizza Express need not become the restaurant of choice, neither should The Ivy” – Times executive on his staff’s expenses bill.

66. “Thus faced with rejection I did what any serious artist would do. I gave up” – Alan Moore.

67. “The Daily Mail hated it, which made me oddly happy” – Neil Gaiman on Mirrormask

68. “Marcus Didius Falco, you are a complete bastard!” – Helena Justina, who else?

69. “I had a social conscience. I could back it up with intellect, cunning, and if needs be fisticuffs” – M Didius Falco

70. “Don’t play for safety. It’s the most dangerous thing in the world” – Hugh Walpole

71. “Location is a character” – Dan Brown

72. “It’s his myth, and he’s very happy with it, thank you, and if you don’t like it, piss off.” – Douglas Coupland on Morrissey

73. “Arsenal supporters are a clan of degenerate wankers and marginal know-nothings… the only half-decent English team is Liverpool and, compared to Lazio, they suck too…” – Aurelio Zen

74. “Strictly home-with-vids for me and Kurt now” – Violet Kiteway, Perplex City librarian

75. “Give me ambiguity, or give me something else” – reputed US bumper sticker

76. “Cheese has become the new icon of political dissent” – Nation States

77. “I will always try to listen to your voice. Through the noise.” – John Foxx

78. “I stuck my heart back together with a staple gun” – Ladyfuzz

79. “What the fuck do you know?” – Lily Allen

80. “The Road to Hell is paved with adverbs” – Stephen King, On Writing

81. “I would rather eat my own testicles than reform The Smiths, and that’s saying something for a vegetarian” – Morrissey

82. “Did you just hear a funny noise? It was my irony gland exploding” – Bad Astronomy blog.

83. “Time for some thrilling heroics” – Jayne Cobb

84. “Like I tell him, Signor del Giocondo, apart from you, who’s going to see it?” Leonardo da Vinci, as interpreted by Pratchett and Gaiman

85. “Little grass is smiling slightly, Please walk on pavement.” Badly-translated Chinese-English sign

86. “I don’t see what my backside has got to do with enchantments” – Sancho Panza

87. “The Scots and Irish leave you close to tears. There even are places where English completely disappears – in America they haven’t used it for years” – Professor Henry Higgins

88. “A vile, pro-terrorist piece of neo-Marxist, left-wing propaganda filled with radical sexual politics and nasty attacks on religion and Christianity” – A wingnut on V for Vendetta

89. “The only sound across the glade is Edmund pushing up the daisies” – Finale to The Black Adder.
90.
91. “I think the maggots were a bit over the top, myself” – the angel Aziraphale

92. “Soon I am moaning aloud with boredom and I begin to realise what the Queen must feel like” – Alan Bennett

93. “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away” – Philip K Dick

94. “Nine people looking into the blackness of space and seeing nine different things” – Joss Whedon’s reputed pitch for Firefly

95. “Notes: a beach is a shore of a body of water while a beech is large deciduous tree with small sweet edible nuts” – Thesaurus.com

96. “The referee… seems to have decided that handball for outfield is allowed, so long as they are wearing blue shirts” – Norfolk Blogger

97. “You’re not from Raxacoricofallapatorius, are you?” – The Doctor

98. “When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all… grow up. Get a job. Get married. Get a house. Have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better” – Elton Pope

99. “In the 70s, one of my main sources of excitement was a dusty, voluminous book called something like The Reader’s Digest Big Book of Frightening Illnesses” – Grace Dent

100. “The body count rises steadily for two hours without a sniff of interest from the London press…” Radio Times on Midsomer Murders

101. “I found English to be a sort of Thomas Hardy aversion therapy” – Neil Gaiman

102. “Elton! Fetch a spade” – The Doctor

103. “My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine” – Les Dawson

104. “I never fitted up anyone who didn’t deserve it” – DCI Gene Hunt, Greater Manchester Police.

105. “I’ve instinctively hated the Tories since birth” – Charlie Brooker

106. “Right! Chiswick!” – The Doctor

107. “I’ll never be the angel you see in your dreams, so give me some wheels if I can’t have wings” – Suzy Bogguss

108. “I’d rather not be named as ‘Medic on tea-break while my child died’ in The Sun” – LAS blogger Tom Reynolds

109. “Right now we’re looking for an angel named Islington” – Door, a character in Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere

110. “I could have coaxed my old laptop into life and gone on the Web to read about someone else’s life, but I feared my email” – Warren Ellis, in his new novel, Crooked Little Vein

111. “Because sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken” Adam Rutherford, an editor at the journal Nature, talking about creationists

112. “In crook stories it is most always the necklace and in spy stories it is most always the papers.”” – Alfred Hitchcock, talking about his famous MacGuffin

113. “They are being paid at this end – I think they call that commerce” – Cap’n Mal Reynolds (in his Steven Brust fanfic incarnation, at least)

114. “Meat is Murder… in retrospect, reminds me what a self-righteous prick I was in 1985” – Danny Ecclestone, MOJO

115. “We’re all fucked. I’m fucked. You’re fucked. The whole department’s fucked. It’s been the biggest cock-up ever and we’re all completely fucked.” – Sir Richard Mottram

116. “We’re the Sweeney, son, and we haven’t had any dinner!” – Jack Regan

117. “They’ve even been able to determine why tortoises on the Galapagos Islands are all mental. It seems there was a genetic bottleneck 100,000 years ago when a volcano went off and only the biggest, daftest tortoises survived” – Jeremy Clarkson

118. “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind” – Mahatma Ghandi

119. “I shoulda learned to play the guitar” – Mark Knopfler

120. “People say graffiti is ugly, irresponsible and childish. But that’s only if it’s done properly” – Banksy

121. “It would be alright if we could just get back on the expressway” – Elwood Blues

122. “Like Rick in Casablanca, I’m just trying to run a saloon and stay out of jail” – Cary Tennis

123. “No practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all others are based.” – Lord Havelock Vetinari, Patrician of Ankh-Morpork

124. “I don’t pray because I don’t want to bore God” – Orson Welles

125. “In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love – they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock” – Harry Lime

126. “London Underground wishes to apologise for the severe points failure in the Tottenham area” – Internet humour

127. “There has to be a scientific explanation for this” – Dana Scully

128. “People do what they are told not to do. It happens time and time again. Here on the frozen tundra, it is known as the Tongue on the Frozen Pump Handle principle” – Garrison Keillor

129. “I can’t be having with that kind of thing” – Esmerelda Weatherwax

130. “The term lunatic is frightfully old-fashioned… Differently rationaled is the term, you know” – Berthea Snark

131. “Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then” – Katharine Hepburn.

132. “You are utterly the stupidest, most self-centered, appallingest excuse for an anthropomorphic personification on this or any other plane!” – Death berates her little brother Dream.

133. “I do not want art for a few, any more than I want education for a few, or freedom for a few” – William Morris.

134. “Monkey was by nature too restless, Pigsy too coarse and Sandy too simple to need a second bidding” – Wu Cheng’en

135. “She was much too fond of Heathcliff” – The plot of Wuthering Heights, summarised in seven words from chapter 5.

136. “What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence” – Christopher Hitchens

137. “The broken pane of glass is the most valuable argument in modern politics” – Emmeline Pankhurst

138. “Don the Willow Rosenberg mantle of indefatiguable optimism” – Lucy Mangan

139. “Keep buggering on” – Winston Churchill

140. “If you do things, stuff will happen. You may quote me on that” – Cary Tennis

141. “I want a bath, I want my hair washed, I just want to feel human again… and, boy, am I sick of that sonic screwdriver” – Sarah Jane Smith

142. “I’m celebrating my love for you with a pint of beer and a new tattoo” – Billy Bragg

143. “Ponder Stibbons once got 100 per cent in a prescience exam by getting there the previous day” – Terry Pratchett

144. “I have spent a reasonable percentage of my life in libraries – I like the hush” – Robin Ince

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